I’m so lonely

 “It’s New Year’s Day… where are you?”

“I’m so lonely.”

I had thought you would be by my side on the first day of the new year. But you’re not here anymore.

Tears slipped down her cheeks, warm drops of liquid tracing their way across her skin. They were warm, yet somehow they made her feel unbearably cold.

Ah… she knew why.

Because you weren’t here beside her.

That was why she felt so cold.

The wind swept past her, each gust cutting straight into her heart. You had once promised that you would protect her through those chilly autumn days. So why had you left her like this? Why had you abandoned her to face this cruel world all alone?

How could she possibly live without you?

As she walked down the familiar street, the little snack stalls where the two of you used to eat together brought back memories she had tried so hard to bury. Even the large tree beneath which your shadows had once fallen together seemed to bring those days rushing back into her mind.

Another tear slipped down her cheek.

Tap… tap…

This time, it carried all the pain she had been holding inside.

Fragments of happy and sad memories resurfaced one after another. The promises you had once made, the vows you had once whispered to each other…

But all of that was gone now.

One year earlier…

“Hey… look! There’s a lion dance over there! Oh, and they’re selling lanterns over there! And over there too! Look, they’re selling drinks!”

She ran from one place to another, pointing excitedly at everything she saw. He could only shake his head and laugh, secretly happy because of how childlike she was.

He sometimes wondered whether she would ever grow up and be able to take care of herself—or whether she would always rely on him for everything.

“Okay, okay… I see them. Now stand still, will you? Be careful. What if you fall? There won’t be anyone around to catch you.”

“Then come over there with me.”

She pointed toward a hill covered in artificial grass in the distance.

He followed her and sat down beside her. As soon as they settled down, she started chattering again, talking about one thing after another.

Then, in the middle of their conversation, he looked at her and made a promise.

“I promise I’ll be by your side every New Year.”

He could feel the happiness of simply being with her, the warmth she brought into his life.

She was overjoyed when she heard him say that. She looked at him with her big, puppy-like eyes, smiling as though his promise alone was enough to make her happy.

For her, that was all she needed.

Having him beside her on the first day of every new year was already enough.

Unlike everyone else, who wandered around the city watching lion dances and enjoying the festive atmosphere, the two of them had come to Starlight Bridge instead.

Because this was where they had first met.

Every precious memory they shared seemed to begin here.

As she sat beside him, she suddenly found herself remembering the very first time she had seen him.

Back then, she had been heartbroken after breaking up with her first love.

Yes, he wasn't her first love.

But somehow, the love she shared with him now was far more beautiful than anything she had ever experienced in that first relationship.

He had been walking across the bridge that day when he noticed her standing there, crying.

He had quietly offered her a tissue and asked what was wrong.

His gentle concern had eased some of the sadness in her heart.

And from that moment on, she began to fall for him.

They kept in touch.

They talked more and more.

And somewhere along the way, friendship quietly turned into love.

Now, sitting beside him, those beautiful memories from the beginning of their relationship came rushing back one after another.

Without even realizing it, she smiled.

He noticed her suddenly grinning to herself and looked at her in confusion.

“What are you smiling about all of a sudden? You look like a crazy person.”

“Ugh… you’re teasing me again.”

She pouted for a moment before suddenly brightening.

“But I’m craving some lemon tea now. Go get me some, will you?”

“Seriously? They don’t sell it here. I’d have to go pretty far to find some.”

“I don’t care. Please, go get it for me.”

Hearing the pleading note in her voice, he gave in as he always did. Before leaving, he gently ruffled her hair.

“Wait here for me, okay? I’ll be back soon.”

For some reason, the words and the smile that accompanied them made her heart ache.

It was as though some quiet voice inside her was telling her that this would be the last time she would ever see that smile.

She watched him leave.

At first, she simply waited.

Then she began to worry.

Ten minutes passed.

Thirty minutes.

An hour.

He still hadn't come back.

More than two hours had passed, and the uneasiness in her heart grew heavier with every passing minute.

Then, suddenly, the phone in her hand began to vibrate.

The number on the screen was unfamiliar.

She hesitated before answering.

“Hello…?”

“………………………”

Click.

The phone slipped from her hand.

Tears immediately streamed down her face.

She rushed outside and hailed a taxi, desperately telling the driver to take her to the nearest hospital.

The moment she arrived, she ran through the entrance in a panic, calling his name over and over again.

“Where is he? Where is he?!”

She stopped in front of the emergency room, her heart pounding as though it were on fire.

The doors finally opened.

She rushed toward the doctor.

But the doctor’s expression was heavy with sorrow.

He looked at her for a moment…

Then slowly shook his head.

Her heart seemed to stop.

“No…”

She stumbled toward the emergency room, but the nurses were already there.

A white sheet had been pulled over his face.

She collapsed.

Her head bowed as she blamed herself over and over again.

Why had she asked him to go out and buy her lemon tea?

Why had she insisted?

Why?

She couldn't stop blaming herself.

She walked to his side, crying uncontrollably, until the grief became too much for her to bear.

Then everything went black.

She fainted beside him.

Those memories played through her mind like a slow-motion film.

Tears fell from her eyes once again.

Some escaped down her cheeks, while others seemed to flow straight back into her heart.

A whole year had passed.

Yet she still couldn't forget him.

She still blamed herself.

She kept thinking that if it weren't for her, he wouldn't have left this world that way.

She went to his grave and gently placed a bouquet of gerbera daisies on it—the flowers he had loved most.

She knelt down beside his grave.

“Are you cold over there?”

Her voice trembled.

“I’m sorry…”

“I read your letter. Why did you leave me behind? You promised you'd stay with me through all the New Year's Days to come. You said you'd take me to watch the lion dances…”

Her voice broke.

“So why did you leave me like this?”

“I need you…”

“Sob…”

Tears continued to fall onto his grave.

Today was New Year's Day.

It was also the day he had left her forever, going somewhere so far away that she could never follow.

She finally stood up and slowly walked away from the cemetery, each step unbearably heavy.

After only a few steps, she stopped.

She turned around and looked back at his grave one last time.

Her lips trembled as she whispered,

“I’ll try my best to live the days without you…”

A tear slipped down her cheek.

“New Year's Day without you…”

“I’m so lonely.”