I Will Keep My Heart Until You Let Go

There was a young woman who once messaged me, overwhelmed with regret because she had slept with another man who was not her husband. She tortured herself with guilt. She felt like a terrible person.

After all, she didn’t love that man. It was simply that, on one particular day, somewhere amid the fleeting moments and cracks in her marriage, she was swept away before she even realized what was happening.

And yet, at the end of her message, she added: “It was such a vivid experience, something I will never forget for the rest of my life. I will never forget it.”

So what should I say to her? That perhaps she should be grateful to that man for giving her such a strange and unforgettable experience, even though she never loved him?

A contradiction.

There is an almost unbearable contradiction in feeling guilty while, at the same time, feeling that you have discovered something completely new.

My dear girl, did you do something wrong, or were you doing something right?

No. Perhaps there is no simple right or wrong in this story.

What we believe to be wrong—sleeping with a man we do not love while we are married—can nevertheless give us an experience we will remember for the rest of our lives.

While what we believe to be right—making life more interesting through new experiences—can turn out to be profoundly wrong when those experiences violate the moral boundaries and commitments of marriage.

I am not a moral philosopher (there seem to be countless of them on Facebook these days). I am simply a distant older brother to all of you young women. Perhaps some of us may never even meet in real life. So all I can do is share with you something that lies beyond the boundaries of right and wrong.

The question is: Where does it come from?

A woman’s heart is inherently small. It has room for only one man—but when she loves him, she loves all of him completely. His body, his eyes, his soul, his breath, his thoughts, his memories, his future…

I am certain of that.

Most women are like this. Most women, once they truly love a man, are like this. There is no room for another man. None.

And they would never cheat on the man they love. They would never sleep with anyone else, even if that person were their most admired celebrity or one of those dazzlingly handsome men they see from afar.

No. Never.

That is how women are.

But…

A woman’s heart is also unimaginably deep.

Every wound leaves its scars.

When the man she has poured her entire heart into loving fails to love her in the way she had hoped, how empty can that heart become?

There are cracks that, once they appear, can leave that heart forever changed—no longer whole in the way it once was.

Like the young woman who messaged me and told me that her husband often went out for coffee with several female friends he considered like younger sisters. On more than one occasion, one of those women had stayed up all night talking intimately with her husband. They had even talked about sex and sent intimate photos to each other.

Her husband kept saying that there was nothing between them.

But how could she still believe him?

And there were many other young women who messaged me about their husbands’ indifference—men who could be charming, attentive, and gallant toward other women, yet distant and careless toward the wives waiting for them at home.

There were also many other young women who had personally seen their boyfriends exchanging affectionate, intimate messages with a female friend they called a “little sister” or with their supposedly “best female friend.”

That wounded heart becomes incredibly fragile. Sometimes, all it takes is a gentle pat on the shoulder from a male colleague for a woman to lose her emotional footing. Sometimes, just a few words of concern are enough to make her heart begin to waver.

Whether she weighs 70 kilograms or feels unattractive, whether her body has changed after giving birth twice—there will almost always be at least one man who wants to take her to bed.

Men can be driven by powerful instincts, and sometimes all it takes is the slightest opening for those intentions to emerge. They may pursue her, wanting intimacy and sex.

But how can a wounded heart, already exhausted and vulnerable, always distinguish between genuine care and attention given with ulterior motives? Especially when that heart is already broken and feels rejected, falling into someone else’s embrace can happen in the blink of an eye.

I am not trying to frighten husbands. Nor am I making excuses for women who make mistakes.

I simply want to remind men of something: if you love the woman who is yours, then hold on to her tightly.

Hold on to her by holding on to yourself.

Do not allow even the smallest part of you to disappear from her heart.

Cherish her. Treasure her. Protect what you have together.

If you still love her.

And ladies, send this article to your boyfriends and husbands. Let them know that they should cherish you if they still love you, with one simple reminder:

“I will keep my heart until you let go.”